Fuck your opinions, fuck you lack of spin, when you are misrable, i'll be just fine!

so he breaks up with her. things are great for the next 3 days.
Then...there was Blaik >_O
He told me about her on thursday. She's a seinor, and "super cute and sweet"
I bite my lip and felt a vain pulse outta my neck as i faked a smile.
So i continued on with  my day, trying to let that ruin my so far good day. Then my friend Amber told me that before i came into the lunch room He asked  her if i had feelings for him. She repiled "YES!" and when he asked if i had interest in anyone else she said "NO!". He then told her he asked cause he might be getting a gf...
So friday rolls around.
At lunch i come in and...there she is. Blonde, bright blue eyes, pretty, sweet, and seinor. I sat at the other end of the table, feeling like i wanted to take a sledge hammer to a wall as they sat togehter. They talked and he held her, like he used to hold me. But it wasnt jealous that i felt as i sat at lunch table, but i was kinda pissed off.
At one point the left together and Amy ( who can be annoying alot) asked me to sit by her. I went over, and as soon as i did i wished i hadnt.
"I totally approve of jake dating blaike! She is SOOO nice! You know, she has thought he was hot for like 3 years but never had the guts to talk to him! And he admired her from afar forever but thought he wasnt good enough for her! Then they FINALLY got together! I mean she kissed him, and he came to me jumping up and down from joy! I told her that and she blushed sooooooo bad. She looks preppy but you know she is a totally sweet  heart! They are just perfect!"
The need to bunch in her the face as she talked about how much of fairytale their love was grew to the point that i asked if my dear friend amanda would walk with me. She understood and we went off, one of His best friends wanted to come too but in my state i was in no mood to put up with him.
ANd geuss what, amanda and i think His friend might have a thing for me. Too bad i have no interest in him WHATS so EVER. He has bad hair, smells *really* bad, and has a bit of an additude i coudl only put up with for small amounts at a time. Gee isnt that wonderful.
I had mixed emotions for the rest of the day, at one passing period when he always gave me a real big hug at first he found Blaik and hugged her for awhile. My pride made me look away as i conversed with friends happily. Then...he actually seeked me out and hugged me, looking fucking love sick. His hug wasnt the same.But the fact he went lookin for me bothered me in a way i coudlnt describe.
The day continued as even tho he fonded over Blaik he still kept a look out for me and gave me hugs. At the end of day I found him and hugged him saying " Have a good christmas and i'll see you at some point!" ( friday was our day before 2 week break). All he did was give me a half smile. IT was like the last poke that shattered my heart.
Oddly i feel a tiny bit used like maybe i was just the middle girl he loved over in between girl friends. the girl he used to always call just to talk, and some one he could tell anything too and who he trusted completely. Maybe at one point he did like me...did i just let it pass? And a tad pissed, that he knew how i felt yet had this girl with him. My pride is telling me " fuck that! if he wants the perfect blonde he can fucking have her!" should i just let it go? should i keep holding on? idk it just makes my head hurt.....</3